0cf82b8c

Counselling for Autism Spectrum Conditions

Sat, 03 Dec 2022 12:37:02 GMT

Counselling for Autism Spectrum Conditions

Autism is a spectrum condition , that affects people in a variety of ways. Often described as a disorder, the word “autism” can elicit a range of feelings for many people, who have first-hand experience of the condition. You may be autistic yourself or know of an autistic person and have supported them through the many obstacles that come with having this formal, or self- diagnosis. Either way, autism comes with numerous different challenges, some well-known, and some that are more hidden from society. Sadly, it has been shown that autistic people are at great risk of developing anxiety and depression at some point in their lives. This may be due to communication differences, struggles with feeling misunderstood, feeling as though you have to show the world a whole different character to who you really are; the struggles can feel seemingly endless at times. Below are just a few of the difficulties associated with autism spectrum conditions, as well as reasons why counselling can be so beneficial for people with ASC.

Communication and empathy - Autism affects the way people interact with those around them, and many misunderstandings can occur through communication differences. Autistic people can find both verbal and non-verbal communication difficult and confusing, at times. Literal thinking can create great confusion, as well as differences in communicating with body language and tone of voice can lead to huge ruptures within relationships. Turn taking and not knowing what to say in response can cause conflict in relationships. Many (although not all) autistic people find eye contact difficult and this can create the impression that they are not interested in listening to the other person. Lack of reciprocity in conversations can also lead to the impression that autistic people lack empathy. This is a common misconception of autistic people, and is simply not true. Cognitive empathy can be difficult for autistic people; this is knowing how to identify and communicate feelings, and respond to others. Felt, or affective empathy is different, and is not lacking, and research has shown that autistic people can actually feel great amount of empathy toward both people and animals.

Breakdowns in relationships can happen on such a regular basis that many autistic people have a learnt negative view of relationships and themselves within them, causing an avoidance of building secure relationships altogether. This can further feelings of unhappiness, low self-esteem, and isolation, where there can be a lack of opportunity to practice social skills.

Counselling can offer autistic people a place to explore the misunderstandings in depth, and to practice their social skills, in a way that works for them. A counsellor who understands the struggles and offers an empathic space to talk can be invaluable for helping an autistic person developing self-esteem. As processing time can be slower for autistic people, counselling can offer time for the person to gather their thoughts and express them in a way that is comfortable.

Masking - People may find themselves in a place where they need to hide their autistic behaviours just to get by, for fear that these behaviours can be seen as strange. This is called “masking” and is extremely prevalent amongst autistic and other neurodivergent people. Masking can lead to a person isolating themselves for fear of being “found out”. It can also lead someone to becoming confused about their identity, with difficulty knowing who they are, and how they would truly present in the world.

A counselling relationship is one where the person is encouraged to express themselves at a very real level, without the judgement of others, and with the knowledge that they will be accepted.

Stimming - is a form of repetitive movement that autistic people use, to cope with everyday life. Though almost everybody, whether autistic or not, stims in different ways, the movements of autistic people can appear peculiar to some. Stimming is a way to process emotions, to drown out sensory overload, to cope with judgement they feel, and also to relax. This can involve complex hand movements, head banging, spinning, repeating sounds or words, rocking, touching objects; there are many forms of different stims. Stimming can sometimes become dangerous or detrimental to the individual, or those around them, and they may need support in swapping to a different stim if it is harmful. A counsellor who understands autism will understand the need to stim and encourage safe expression of self.

Autism as a celebration - Temple Grandin (2014) speaks about finding the individual strengths of autistic people, and working with these, instead of focusing on the deficits. An important thing to know is that it’s OK to be autistic. There is not something “wrong” with you, and there are people who can take the time to listen to you. Autistic people can have an amazing sense of humour, and can be talented and gifted in a variety of ways. Often autistic people make excellent writers, poets, artists and actors, as they can feel very deeply. There seems to be a shift in how we view neurodivergent people; instead of seeing them as lacking, we are starting to see the qualities in the differences they bring. Counselling can help a person explore who they are and be able to grow in accepting themselves. To have 50 minutes that is all yours, where you have time to speak without feeling rushed, can help you to fully understand yourself, in relationship with both yourself and others.

Couples Therapy

Fri, 12 Nov 2021 12:56:19 GMT

Defining our relationships with ourselves and with our partner

It could be said that there is no defining moment or definition of a regular difficultly that couples face when they decide to attend couples therapy.

It could be that t here is a nagging feeling that some thing isn't right, traditionally called a gut feeling. It could be a feeling of a lack of physical intimacy and a lost passion which was there in the early days of the relationship. Both or one of the couple may feel the flame of passion has distinguished and somehow dissolved, leaving the relationship feeling predictable and without excitement. Maybe one person is more motivated to seek therapy than the other, which could evoke resentment and they may feel like going to therapy is one sided, that somehow the other person is pushing along the agenda for therapy and is the only one trying to make the effort to salvage the relationship.

The elephant in the room of the stereotype of the ‘ begrudging partner‘, being dragged along to a therapy session because they feel like they don’t have the choice, is something of an enigma, which needs to be gentle explored at the beginning of therapy. The idea that people in general have personal ownership in the decision making process is key, as this shows us, by someones actions that they are committed to making the relationship work in a physical sense of the word as they are physically present. They may say things like, ‘ I 'm here, aren't I ?' , but the real exploring comes from the physical and emotional connection that the couple have to each another, and the commitment to work on the relationship and finding acceptance.

Dynamics with in the therapy room can play out in the form of one partner being passive whilst the other is more dominant. It could present as anger or indifference, maybe there is a feeling of emotional exhaustion and often non engagement , in the session, is an unspoken communication. Not engaging in the process but by sitting in silence , can sometimes say a lot about what is being unsaid; i t' s a form of non verbal communication and can be read in many different ways by the receiver and in the context of the session.

The therapist is there to bring those feelings out and help the couple to decide first and foremost whether they would like to invest in the time to work on the issues that they are facing and facilitate them finding a way through, in a non judgmental and safe space. Preparing to go into a session and make yourself vulnerable is quite hard for some people and there has to be an acknowledgment that this is a form of commitment , to explore and look at the issues and to help them gain a better understanding of their partner.

Space for couples is an important concept , what do we define as space? Space to breath physically, metaphorically or emotionally? Maybe the couple need time to process or work through difficulties or changes in their relationship; they may have to process what ' s happening on all three levels. Whether it ' s in the therapy room, with it ' s chairs set out and the boundaries of the time set out for the session , or whether it's the time outside of the therapy room and the space in the clients head, therapy should be a safe space to explore the different feelings of the relationship, and the couple hopefully feels that they can do this without judgement.

Couples reach the point of deciding to invest time into therapy when there tends to be a break down within the relationship, it could be a loss or bereavement, an affair, intimacy difficulties, infertility, parenting issues lack of commitment or problems with communication. Often set patterns of behaviour can emerge within individual ' s own relationships in the present day , but can be brought from the past. Theses states of being and behaving can either be transferred into the new relationship o r affect the current relationship. The role models that individuals have experienced growing up may have set the blue print of what a relationship should look like and these can affect the way the couple relate to each other. The old ways of being and reacting to situations , can emerge and resurface without the realisation that this is what is being acted out.

Couples therapy can allow the couples to talk about and become consciously aware of stuck behaviours , by doing this , it enables couples to learn about not subconsciously reverting back to repeated patterns of behaving that may be having a negative affect on the relationship.

Often it is important to recognise that communication is key and that looking at the different ways couples can communicate is essential in understanding each other . It may seem simple , but when misconceived or misunderstood communication is received, these messages can damage the relationship.

Exploring more emotionally nurturing ways to communicate and to build on the strengths of the relationship , by using strategies such as appreciative communication, praising each other and recognising the qualities in your partner, all help s to build on the bond and emotional connection that attracted one to each other in the first place.

Couples therapy helps couples to continually learn and hopefully they will reach a point that they will have greater insight into their own individual feelings about their relationship and what works well for them in order to move forward and create a balanced way of being together.